Honestly?
11th January 2016, 8:39 pm.
Already two weeks had passed since that awful, embarrassing moment. Probably the most embarrassing day of my life. I sighed while I turned from my right to my left. My bed creaked under me. Another sigh. Maybe I should drop out of school? Yeah, that would be a really good option. I would never have to face Seto Kaiba again. What could be better? Nothing - exactly!
But suddenly my dad entered my room. In his hands the uniform I didn't want to see the most right now.
“Dont forget to set your alarm. School is starting tomorrow.”, he said while placing that ugly, blue uniform on the chair in front of my desk. I grumbled while I turned around, this time pressing my face into my pillow.
“Yeah... yeah... how could I possibly forget....”, I groaned demotivated, “Not even the first time remembering me... “
“Do not go to bed late, Joseph. I do not want to wake you up, tomorrow.”
“I get it! I get it! Okay?” In a few seconds I sat upright in my bed, glaring at my dad, who couldn't care less for my mood. “And now get out...”, I grumbled like a recalcitrant teenager while throwing my pillow after him. A deep sigh filled up the room. Maybe... it wasn't going to be that bad. Maybe I was just over thinking things.
Oh yes, how naive I was. Sure! What bad things could have occurred? Aside from the awkward silence and looks, I earned when I entered the classroom the next day???
Of course my friends noticed me, but the only one smiling at me was Yugi. During the winter break he texted me a hundred times, but I didn't even touch any of the messages. I just didn't want to hear anything about how it was okay to be gay or that they'll support me. Honestly, that wasn't what worried me after all. My friends are my friends no matter what! Even if they seem to be a little uncertain about the situation, so am I.
The thing that had me worried sat near the window, not even bothering to see who was stepping inside the room. He acted normal and that lightened me up a lot for now, so I put on my usual smile and walked towards Tea, Yugi and Tristan, greeted them and joined the conversation. I loved them for not asking any questions right now, though they will ask later for sure.
Maybe he just forgot about it?
The bell rang and we were sitting in the cafeteria. I told them that it was a pure accident and I definitely didn't want to confess to Kaiba ever in my life. And then I started thinking about what to do next. Kaiba didn't even try to make fun of me, that's really strange. How could he let slide such an opportunity? Not that I would like him to do that...
A deep sigh left my throat. So he decided to act as if it never happened. Fine by me, I thought, but felt a little pain in my chest immediately. Okay, not fine, but I had no other choice then to put up with it.
“Everything alright, Joey?”, Tea suddenly asked.
I looked up to her, just realizing that my head went down.
“You're making a sad face right now.” Oh.
“Ah it's nothing!” I smiled instantly.
“By the way.”, she said with a serious voice, “Did Kaiba reply to you already?”
“Eh, well, no. Why-”
“Because he's coming our way.”
“WHAT?”
I turned my head to the direction the brunette girl was looking at and couldn't believe what I saw. She was right. Kaiba walked through the cramped cafeteria, proud and elegant like a king, but at the same time so out of place with his large white coat and that arrogant attitude.
He came closer and closer. There's wasn't even a distance of one metre between us. My thoughts went wild. Was he really walking towards me? It was so unbelievable... So unreal. What should I say? Was is it even my turn? Maybe Seto Kaiba would grab my wrist, pulling me up from my chair and then declare his feelings, he always had hidden deep in his heart, to me...
My heartbeat accelerated. Oh god. Was this really true? Was I allowed to hope? I was so excited.
There was not even one Christmas morning that got me so hyped up. I gulped nervously, rubbing my sweated hands. I opened my mouth ready to shout out my answer, though Seto Kaiba hadn't asked or said anything yet.
But confusingly my eyes followed him, passing me, going further and further away. I couldn't really describe the feelings that hit me. It was a mixture of disappointment, sadness and realisation of my foolishness that I thought, no, hoped, he would give me an answer, in the first place. But that wasn't all.
Anger... I was mad because I've never thought that Seto Kaiba was someone who would actually really give a fuck about such a thing. Yeah, we weren't friends, not even close to something like a loose contact, but I had always thought there was still something between us. Something more special, more rare... But as I realised that it was only my point of view, I clenched my fist and pressed my lips together, making them look like a thin line.
"Joey? Are you okay?", Yugis worried voice appeared besides me.
I gave him a fake smile, aware of the fact that he knew me better than everyone else in this room. "I'm fine", I heard myself saying, while I got up, "I'm... Just going to the toilets... Yeah.. The toilets." Before Yugi could even grab a chance to reply I walked away into the same direction Kaiba went not too long ago. I couldn't let this pass so easily. Who did Kaiba thought I was? How could he not say anything. I declared my fucking love and he didn't even glance at me!? I was so mad! I'm fucking Joey Wheeler. If I was going to get turned down I would give it my all. I couldn't accept his nonexistent reaction!
"Hey!", I shouted angrily just as I spotted the brunette outside the school building, heading to his car or something.
"Who do you think you are? Who allowed you to ignore me, bastard!", I literally shot the words out like a machine gun.
Kaiba turned around and gave me that fucking cold I-don't-give-a-shit-about-everything look, as he was just about to pull out his smartphone.
"Ah, it's you Wheeler. I was sure hearing a dog barking annoyingly loud. But that's pretty the same, don't you think?"
"You little fu-"
"Shhh, do you really think it's a good thing to swear at someone you love?", he asked with an evil grin and let his phone slide back into his pocket, without using it and stepped in my direction.
Immediately my head imitated the colour of a tomato. What?! Did he just say, that I...?!
So he did not forget about it! I knew it!!
"Th... then don't fuck with me!", I said when he approached me.
"I won't."
"Wha....?!" I couldn't believe that my face was able to turn even more red than before. That bastard is making fun of me NOW??? A deep growl left my throat.
"A dog isn't supposed to growl at his owner.", Kaiba said with a dispraising note on his voice. I clenched my fists.
"You're not my owner!", I barked, realising too late what I'd said. I could tell and feel that even my ears started burning and taking over the color of a overripe tomato.
"I... I mean... I'm not a dog! I'm human, 'kay?"
"You don't sound like one, you know. To me you are just a stray dog, which doesn't know any manners.", Kaiba said with his always emotionless voice as he closed the last centimetres between us. On his face was a devilish smirk and I could swear there was something different with his gaze. Something that gave me the shivers.
"But it's not like we couldn't change that." Kaiba took a few steps back, putting his hands into the pocket of his coat. "Today, 7pm. Don't be late, understand?"
What?
To Kaiba that seemed to be the end of our little conversation, so he directed his evil grin at me once more and turned away from me.
Unable to move a finger, not to mention speaking, I stood there in the cold breeze and watched that jerk leaving, with his coat streaming majestic in the wind.
Just, what? Did he just offer to meet him, to be trained by him like a dog???
Immediately some kind of weird but hot fantasies came to my mind and let me blush even deeper. No, no, no, that's NOT what he meant, I had to restrain myself from thinking such insane things.
That asshole!! Who does he think he is?! Regaining the control over my body I took a deep breath...
"FUCK YOU, arrogant asshole! Wait until hell freezes!" Oh wait, that would eventually happen, if Kaiba ever goes to hell. Oh, whatever.
He didn't even turn to me and after a few more meters he went around a corner and left me behind standing there in anger. Pfhe, bitch!
Growling tons of insults to myself, I headed back to school, since the break would be over soon. But my thoughts circled around Kaiba with no end.
What's he thinking, inviting... no, ordering me to meet up with him? He didn't even tell me WHERE! Not that I intended to go! If he wants a dog so bad, he should go buy one, instead of making me his freaking substitute! But...
I couldn't shake off the thought, or the hope, that he might just wanted to tell me something. But what if he just wanted to make fun of me even more?! No, there's no way I will meet him! Absolutely not! Screw him!
As I walked in the classroom Yugi sent me a worried look, but there was no time to explain anything, because the teacher entered the room right behind me and started her lesson.
~*~*~*~*~*oOOOo*~*~*~*~*~
Well, yeah. Fuck it!
Here I was - couldn't believe it myself - standing in front of his castle like gate. He was such a show-off. As if a normal house couldn't fulfill all the human needs. But yeah... Kaiba wasn't normal, not even a tiny bit, so of course a normal house couldn't please him.
I sighed, biting my bottom lip. Should I really go into the lion's den? I mean, no, I know that this could be the worst mistake ever but at the same time it could be the greatest miracle of my life. Another sigh. Yugi was at fault, blabbering something like maybe Kaiba needed to gather courage and that he would feel more secure if they'd discuss this matter in his own four walls - Well, I was sure, that there wasn't only four walls.
So yeah, here I was, struggling, fighting an inner fight with myself. Who said that Kaiba wanted to discuss that new year eve's thing? It sounded more like "I will put you into chains and torture you 'til you break" or something likewise. Was he maybe into bondage and all that sadist and masochist thing? Not even a second later my face could compete with dozens of tomatoes. What the fuck...?!
Damn, despite him being such an ass, I couldn't stop thinking about doing perverted stuff with him. Am I a masochist or what? I should punch him, just for making me feel that way! And for all the nights I jerked off while imagining him... doing stuff to me...
Argh, okay, I went overboard now, coming to his house had nothing to do with this kind of thing!!
I had to calm myself, so I breathed in and out deeply a few times. Then I prepared myself to finally go and push that annoying doorbell.
Of course I didn't hear it making a sound, like you would normally think. His villa is too huge and aside from that, too far away. After a few seconds I heard a deep voice through the intercom and Roland let me inside Kaibas residence. My hands were shaking from nervousness as I walked along the path leading to the main-building.
"Roland, do you know where- Joey? Is that you?", Mokubas boyish voice appeared and suddenly he stormed out of a room to my left.
"Joey! Oh my god.. What are you doing here?" Big, dark and curious eyes were focusing me.
"Well..." I scratched the back of my head, wandering around with my eyes. "I don't really know... Your brother ordered me... here?"
"Ordered?", Mokuba blinked confused. Oh yeah, and again it sounded like Kaiba would bondage me later.
"Ehm... It's not what you think."
"What do I think?", he asked even more confused. His eyes wandered over me, waiting for an answer.
"Well... I don't know. Maybe that... to tell truth I don't even know what I'm thinking.", I shrugged. Mokuba stayed still for a while, like he was thinking about something.
"Seto is in his study. Last door on the left.", he said then nodding towards the stairs, "But don't be to noisy, okay? Roland... Where are you? I was talking to you." A~nd he was gone, leaving me behind with all my dirty thoughts coming back at once.
Shit, shit, shit!! That brat! Mokuba was lovely from head to toes but... how old was he to give such an implicative advice?! My cheeks were completely red again, thanks to him.
No, just no! After all I started to get angry about all this shit. Getting my hopes up like this pissed me off. So I decided to rush to his room and make a big scene! He'll see what he gets for ordering people around!
I slammed the mentioned door open and saw Kaiba, who sat at his desk with his head bend down over some papers.
“Damn you freaking bastard! No one allowed you to order me here! And what the hell are you thinking, giving Mokuba such crazy thoughts?! Why the hell did you want me to come here?!”
Completely composed he slowly raised his eyes from his work and impaled me with his cold blue eyes, that I loved so much.
"I'm working as you can see, Wheeler. Be a good boy and sit on the sofa.", his voice was the same as always. Pah, so what? He ordered me here to talk about that feeling thing? As if! As soon as possible I would murder Yugi - not literally.
"Don't fuck with me.", I growled clenching my fists. I hated this man so much, but at same time the love I had for him was considerably bigger than others could imagine.
"Again?" Kaiba pulled one of his damn beautiful eyebrows up, while he bend forward. Placing his chin on the back of his hands.
He smirked "I thought that was already settled. And now sit."
"You...!" I just wanted to storm to his desk, grab his collar and throw all the things I hated about him right into his face, but the sudden change in his facial features took me by surprise.
His cold eyes had softened and also his smirk was similar to a small smile. What happened? Was this one of his tactics? No... I won't fall for that.
"10 minutes. That's really important. So let me finish this, ok? Just sit and don't be noisy.", his voice was so different. My heart skipped a beat and my cheeks burned like I fell asleep on the burner.
Without any complaints I walked to the couch and sat down. My head was still unable to figure out what just happened. But my heart was racing like I ran a marathon. That wasn't good. I tried to cool down while waiting on his extremely comfortable furniture. Must be nice to be rich...
My eyes wandered through the big room, that was quite empty for being a study. There were a few shelves on both sides of the room, from the floor to the ceiling high, all filled with big folders. Between them a large panorama window and in front of that was the huge desk the brunette sat at, oh and of course there was the sofa I was sitting on, an arm chair and a little table in front of them. Everything was clean, the floor was covered with a very soft carpet and suddenly I felt guilty for still wearing my shoes. But I didn't want to make myself feel homelike at the least bit.
And honestly speaking that wasn't too hard for me at all. Especially this room looked so lifeless. No framed pictures or flowers. If Kaiba and I weren't sitting here, I would have thought, that he never used this room.
The silence between us became uncomfortable to me. Kaiba looked so concentrated at the papers, his sharp eyes fixated on them and a little vein on his forehead lead me to think it wasn't very pleasurable to do this now. I could see, that he pressed both lips together.
My eyes were sticking to his face like glue, as I saw this unusual expression. So he isn't emotionless after all, it came to my mind and I recognized, that he was at home. That I was at his home. An intimate place, where people can relax.
Suddenly it felt somehow special to me, that Seto Kaiba allowed me to be here. My chest started to grow a warm feeling.
“Alright. Thank you for waiting.”, his sudden voice ripped me out of my thoughts and I sat straight on impulse. He sounded cold again towards me. Too bad.
"No... Problem.", I mumbled. I wasn't sure what to think right now. My head was still confused. There was the Seto Kaiba, just like he always was. Cold and emotionless... But only minutes before, a human-being sat at the desk. Someone who worked hard to make living. I couldn't really understand why Kaiba changed the minute someone was around him, except Mokuba or me, when we fought, but at those times he was just showing his sadist- and asshole-like characteristics.
"Want something to drink?", he suddenly asked, standing up and going to a little cupboard I didn't realize before.
"Eh, sure." Kaiba opened the cupboard door and I blinked in surprise. It was a mini bar... Yeah.
It must be really nice to be rich, I thought again. Without saying something Kaiba put a bottle of water on the table, while he sat down on the armchair near the couch. I grabbed the bottle and gulped it down my throat. I could feel the stare from the brunette, and it made me nervous. Why didn't he start talking?
"So why am I here?", I then heard myself saying, my heart pounding loud like an orchestra. Well... I heard one must be brave to achieve something.
Kaiba still remained silent. In his hand he held a little cup, probably filled with coffee and he was staring into its surface for a while. Then he faced me with the same look he gave me, when I disturbed him, but not quite the same. Again, something was different, but I couldn't exactly tell what it was.
“What do you think, why you're here?”
“Pardon?” He was asking me? Like hell should I know? … Well, okay, there was only one thing, but... did I really have to say it out loud? My throat felt sore all of a sudden.
“Because I...Because I c-con... fessed to you?”, I spurted out the last part as fast as I could, avoiding eye-contact and focused on the water in my hands. I felt my face becoming red again. Argh, I hated him for making me say that!
“So?” What `so`? Why did he want me to put every single detail into words?!
“Think for yourself, man! I thought that's what they say you're good at.”, I pouted like a child.
“But I want to hear it from you.” My cheeks started burning. Gnnnh...!
“I... I... You didn't give me any response, okay?! I was serious there, so just reject me properly and we're both fine! It's not like I'm expecting you to like me back or anything, so let's just get this over and we're done!” My eyes became teary while shouting all that at him, still not looking at his face.
“If you want me to reject you, then why did you convey your feelings at all?” The mockery was clearly audible in his strong voice, but still he sounded so.. serious? I couldn't tell anymore, he was so different from his usual self, it confused me.
“Because I wanted to be more honest with myself, that's why! But I didn't intend on telling YOU that, it was an accident, so just bear with it.” I just wanted to go home.
My words bestowed silence upon us. Needless to say, that it was unpleasant.
I could feel the anger starting to boil in my body. So there we were. Just like a little kid I told him everything, even though it was damn embarrassing for me and also the pain was squeezing my heart so it nearly broke, knowing that there wasn't even a chance for a positive response.
"You know... Fuck you! I'm going home. I'm just wasting my time here. Ordering me here without any reason, making me say all that things and then staying quiet. I always thought you, the almighty, majestic I-know-everything-better-than-all-of-you-Kaiba, would be brave and stand your grounds.", I shouted, standing up, clenching my fists again. I just wanted to storm out of his study, out of this big room, that suddenly was so small and nearly overwhelmed me, but Kaibas suddenly appearing voice kept me there.
"Joey.", again there was something in his voice that wasn't supposed to be there,"I'm not almighty or majestic. I'm human too."
"Don't make me laugh", I hissed, this time facing him. But now it was his time to look somewhere else. "If you were human you wouldn't humiliate me like you always do, Kaiba."
"I like it."
He faced me with a serious expression I'd never seen on him.
"What? And here he was telling me, he was human too.", I laughed shaking my head in disbelieve. "Listen, Joey." Again he was calling me by first name. It set free so many feelings it was hard for me not to attack him, touch him, love him... He stood up, letting me back away a few steps out of surprise.
"I would, if you finally started talking!", I shouted.
"I am. So promise, that you will hear me out, no matter what I say."
Was he being serious? I am not the one who kept running from an answer!
"Just spit it out already!"
"Joey." Stop saying my name so casually, please!
"Yeah, I promise so bring it on!"
Mentally I prepared to get rejected harshly. And that bastard even wants me to hear all of it. I bet he wasn't about to give any poor apologies or explanations, he will just crush me and tear me apart. As he 'likes it'. He took a deep breath and then his clear ice-blue eyes pierced me, but not with force, more like he wanted to avoid, me looking away from him and it worked. As if spell-bound I faced him directly.
"You said you wanted to be honest, right?" He made a little break. "Then I will be honest with you too. As I said, I like to tease you." Oh wow. Thanks.
"You always react like an idiot to everything I say. And you fire back at me. That's quite impressive, mentioning who I am." He grinned. "Not many, or should I say, no one does that in the manner you do. And I hate that. You piss me off." My eyebrows went up.
"Then why are u always acting so cold? That pisses me off even more!" I replied with an annoyed voice.
"Shut up. I told you to listen, not to interfere like a barking dog."
"KAIBA !"
We were staring at each other for a while. Then, suddenly he made a strange voice. His shoulders were shaking a little and he hid his mouth behind his gracile fingers. Wait. Was he... laughing??? With a disbelieving look I observed his movements.
I blinked. Twice. My brain wasn't able to understand what had happened. Kaiba was laughing. Why? Did someone make a joke? Did I miss it? I wasn't sure what I should feel. Anger because of his laughing fit? Or should I feel special because he showed such an emotion in front of me? Only one thing was for sure, my heart was pounding in an abnormal speed. I'd never dreamed of such day. Kaiba laughing, it was so surreal like an instant apocalypse. Like never would that happen in my lifetime. Still laughing he sat back into his armchair, his hand still trying to hide his beautiful laugh.
"Kaiba, you-"
"Joey"
His sudden laugh disappeared like it wasn't even there one second ago and now his facial expression was serious, not business serious, but there was a softness in his eyes, which would bring him the title of a heartthrob, well maybe that already was the case.
"Yes?", I heard myself saying in a quiet voice.
I was mad, really... But I wasn't able to shout at him.
"I can't promise that I'll love you now or ever. I like you, only that's for sure. But if you're willing, and I bet you are, let's find out." Kaiba reached his hand out, "Together. Hm?" His lips formed a little smile.
I froze in every movement. Even my breath and very likely my heart stopped, the moment I heard his words and saw that heart-melting smile on his beautiful lips.
“You're kidding.”, I blinked a few times. I could absolutely not believe what he said.
“No.”
“You are.”
“I'm not.”
“You are kidding me, right?!”, I almost yelled. A little surprised he raised an eyebrow.
“I... I mean... what do you mean? You... you... like me?”, as I spoke I could feel my cheeks getting hot. Oh shit. I finally realized what he said?
His hand was still reaching for me, even though his look was getting more annoyed with every second I wasted. Seeing that, I moved on impulse and laid my hand into his palm. A warm tickling feeling grew from the area where our skin touched. Never ever before did I touch him, nor did he touch me.
This was... new. And it felt like a wall was torn down between us.
“Come on, don't play dumber than you are Wheeler.”, Kaiba then answered my question from earlier. But before I could even start another argument with him he suddenly pulled at my hand and I stumbled over my own feet, or maybe over the table, I don't know anymore, but I landed in his lap. I raised my head to look up to him, just to see him smiling evil like a sadist.
“Seems like you know where your place is, good boy.”
The end...?~
