At the verry beginning, you struggle with a lot of things but you usually chose to ignore them.
It's like a headache you tell yourself it's temporary and it'll pass.
It's just another bad day. But it's not.
You're stuck in this state of mind, you get used to putting on a social mask and you continue to live among other people, because that's what you have to do. That's what others do.
However the problem does not go away, you struggle to put on a play everyday and it starts to cost you more and more and that's why you fall even deeper and that's when you slowly start do back away from friends and family - sometimes completely shutting them out.
All satisfaction is gone. The little things that used to bring you joy are now worthless. Even the simplest tasks become painful.
And that is why you lack motivation now. Why would you keep on trying if nothing makes you happy anyway? All of this makes you fell even worse and you get caught up in a vicious circle.
Suddenly you find yourself in slow motion. Days become indistinguishable. Just white noise, just heaviness filling your mind, spilling over your body.
You feel as though you'll never be happy again. You continue to back away and destroy relationships. You're ashamed for everything that you've done and everything you haven't. There is a part of you that want to make things right, a sudden positive upsearch makes you want to go out and meet people, but... it's all very short lived because you know, it won't work anyway.
Things that make your friends excited leave you indifferent and you become aware of the huge gap that lies between you and others. Failure is not an option, so chose to be alone in your comfort zone where noone... asks any questions.
Low self-estem and the lack of purpose become unbearable. You finally realize, you can't go one that way and two things can happen.
You either decide to get some help.
Or you might attempt a suicide.