Chapter Nine - Dropping the silence ... after all this time
So , dies ist das Ende ... und ich hoffe , dass es euch gefaellt ! Fuer diese Szene hab ich nicht lange gebraucht , denn wie eine gewisse Excessa Malvers sagte , Dreams are sweet and give off a faint impression of reminescence .. Liebe ist faszinierend , und Liebende sind es erst recht , besonders ungleiche Paare *cheers to us queer people*
Liebeserklaerunge sind extrem anstrengend *g* und produzieren die lustigsten Missverstaendnisse , insofern Viel Glueck beim Versprechen ( D. : Ich liebe dich , Susi .. aeh , Jenny *tropf*)Und das naechste Projekt ist jetzt erst mal schoen viel Unsinn , suche Co-writer !!! Coming to theatres soon : Die Chroniken des Smith !
Devoted to those that felt my love and whose love I was granted to expirience - Merry Meets ! As always , the only eternal thing in my life is you , Haruka . Let me be eternal too ..
Nyu , Vica / Mizuna
Remus quietly crept up the stairs to the owlery . There was someone up there and he had a feeling that it was Sirius .
As he silently pushed open the trapdoor and slipped into the high , darkening room , he saw a boy standing at one of the windows the owls used to leave the tower .
The boys shoulders were shaking and he made small sobing sounds . Remus squinted through the everlasting semi-darkness of the owlery .
" Sirius ..?"
The boy turned around quickly. Yes , it was Sirius , his black hair untidy . Seeing him startled Remus . Why on earth was he crying ?
Gently he took a step towards him , but Sirius backed away .
" No, go away ! Go ! I don't want to see you ..."
Sirius voice was very shaky . One moment , Remus pondered if he should do as Sirius said and really leave him alone for a while , but then he noticed that he was doing it again . He was following other peoples orders without thinking about it and deep inside he knew he didn't want to leave Sirius now . So Remus shook his head , gathering all his strength for the answer and said loudly :
" I won't go away ! Not until I know what's wrong ! You can't force me ..."
After he had said it , he felt a sense of pride inside him . There , he could stand up to his friends . He had a will of his own . He could be strong , he could help them on his own .
Sirius was very hot in the face , tears slowly drying on his ruddy cheeks . He was trying his best to get out of this situation , but Remus just didn't leave. He hated it that Remus had seen him crying . Why was Remus able to make him feel so vulnerable ? No one else could hurt him , not Snape , not the teachers , not even James . And now Remus came along with no idea and demanded to talk to him , not even able to imagine the great power he had over Sirius .
Slowly , Sirius gained back power over his voice and said harshly :
" Leave me alone , Remus ! Just .. leave me alone , okay ? Go back to your girlfriend !"
The last sentence had somehow slipped out and Sirius felt how new tears were swelling in his eyes .
Remus stood very still , gazing imploringly at his best friend . All around him , owls were hooting , not very amused about two boys shouting at each other in the middle of their nights sleep . He could just spot their reflecting eyes watching them closely . Sirius anguished tone and hurt expression confused him .
" What ? My girlfriend ..? What are you talking about ?" he asked quietly .
Sirius folded his arms , fighting back the tears .
" You know what I mean ! .. Harriet Vane ."
Mentioning the name brought a fresh surge of humiliation down on him . He had never felt so bad and just wished he could leave this place to never see Remus or her again . But he knew he couldn't stand the thought of never seeing Remus again .
Quickly he turned his face away from Remus , pleading that he would just leave , but Remus did not leave . Sirius heared his restless breath and then his strangled voice .
" She's not my girlfriend ..."
Remus suddenly understood . Now everything made sense to him : Sirius strange behaviour and how he had shouted at him , his bad mood and the crying . He marveled at his own blindness .
It had been there all the time but he had never noticed . For a second , everything silenced and Remus felt like he had been hit with a great axe . Why had he never thought of Sirius' feelings ? His heart fell and he too had the great urge to sit down and cry . Sirius was his best friend , what was he to do ?
What he always did , he would step aside , be quiet and keep his friends . Biting his lip , he watched Sirius and shivered slightly . Why was it so cold suddenly ?
" Sirius , please look at me ... Harriet is not my girlfriend ."
Sirius hastily turned around , but he hesitated to look at Remus , who had started talking in a strangely calm voice .
" I'm .. I'm sorry , Sirius . I didn't mean to hurt your feelings , I just didn't know about them ..." he paused , his voice shaking slightly , and wispered " .. but I understand them ."
Sirius head jerked up and he stared at Remus . Could this be true ? Could this really be happening ? In dreams , he had imagined this , yet he had been so sure it would never happen .
" Please believe me , I don't love her . I'm sorry that I spent so much time with her , but .. well .. " Silent tears started streaming down Remus' cheeks and he quickly wiped them away , going on : " .. I didn't know that you love Harriet ..."
" What ?!" Sirius cried , somehow feeling extremely exhausted . He was not used to cry and his head was starting to hurt . All this emotion made him dizzy .
" I don't love her !!!"
Remus frowned . For a couple of seconds , he didn't move , then suddenly stuttered : " But .. but why are you .. ?"
" I love you , stupid !"
Sirius froze . He had said it . He had said it aloud . He had said IT to Remus . This can not be happening , Sirius thought dazed . This is a dream or something . The three words he had been dreading to say for a very long time . The one thing he had decided never to tell Remus had just come out of his mouth . Plus he had called Remus stupid . Not the best thing to add to a declaration of love .
This is so weird , Sirius thought numbly , fighting to move his lips and give some logical explanation. A sunstroke sounded quite reasonable . Or maybe a very late hangover from too many butterbeer in Hogsmeade . Or the last effects of goat intestine .
Remus froze . He had said it . Sirius had said it . He had said IT to him . This can not be happening , Remus thought dazed . This is a dream or something . The three words he would never have the courage to say aloud , which he had been hoping to hear from Sirius for a very long time . And all because of Harriet .
This is so weird , Remus thought numbly , fighting to move his lips and give some appropriate answer .
" You .. you love me ?"
Presumably for the first time in his life , Sirius blushed . Even though it was the thruth , he had the mad desire to scream "No!" . Now that he had said it aloud , he saw clearly what his feelings meant . They were absolutely crazy . How could he ever expect Remus to feel the same ? But if he was not ment for Re-mus , then why did his heart tell him that he was ?
" You love me ."
Remus lips started to tremble . In horror , Sirius closed his eyes , hoping to just block out reality .
" I ... I'm ..well , I ..."
But before Sirius could say anymore , he felt a finger gingerly stroke his cheek . With one swift step Remus had come closer , suddenly standing right in front of him . He could clearly see the swelling emotions inside Sirius eyes , shame , fear and anger . Wordlessly , he ran his fingers along Sirius' hot face , following the trace of a falling tear . He took a deep breath and did the bravest thing he had ever done : Slowly , he lent forward and kissed Sirius softly .
The moment their lips touched , Sirius' knees buckled . The ground beneath his feet seemed to shake and give away . But even if the whole owlery tower would have collapsed right underneath him , he would not have cared . He had never felt completeness like this ...
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