my first gintama ff, enjoy :)
Say, you know my feelings, don’t you? You have seen my gazes; you have surely felt them on your skin. You told me to stop following you, although you know what I wanted to tell you every now and then. But, you also knew I wouldn’t talk about the love I feel for you, because I also know about your feelings. Yes, my white-haired demon, I’m not stupid enough to not notice. Even if you tell me I’m imagining, you tell me to go suck on some mayonnaise, I can see that you are in love, and I know with whom. It’s your old friend who turned into a terrorist, Takasugi. Tell me, I’m right, aren’t I, Gin-san? I’ve noticed the way you space out every time someone mentions his name. There is a faint smile appearing on your lips and your dead eyes seem to see another scene, not existing in this reality. Do you wish to see him again? Do you yearn for his touch? Maybe, you wish for more than a sweet kiss? Well, as things are now, it won’t happen. Why can’t you shower me with this affection? I’d gladly accept. I think it is ironic, how we both wish to be with a person that will not return our feelings, and both of us are not able to let go.
Lately, I haven’t seen you around. Damn parfait-eating idiot, has something happened to you? You always run into trouble sooner or later… Maybe it will become a problem that will involve the Shinsengumi. I will patiently wait and then save you, maybe you will fall for me like the princess rescued from the dragon falls for her savior. Ha, that is unlikely to happen; I shouldn’t try to live in a fantasy world. But harsh reality isn’t my favorite either.
In the end, there really was a need for Shinsengumi to step in and I’m sorry. I want you to know that it was not really an accident, but I can’t get myself to confess to you. I fear you will hate me for what I did. Well, I surely haven’t planned it, it just happened. It was the perfect chance to get rid of that terrorist, you know? Isn’t it the job of a police officer to arrest criminals or if necessary to kill them? Well, this time I used the more extreme method. And all that I could tell you was that I’m sorry. Your sad and forced smile gave me more guilt than I can handle; it drives me crazy. Won’t you take revenge, Gintoki? All you say is that it’s okay, that it was my job. But you know, don’t you? Did I destroy any chance I had left to get a happy end with you? Well, it is obvious that you will despise me from now on. But, I think, even if you hate me now until the very end of your life, I will keep waiting for you, hoping for forgiveness, hoping for your love.
