Chapter 1
Dustfinger stood in the rain, his hair sticking to his face, staring at the one window that had light in it. This was the house in which the person he loved most lived. The person who hurt him the most. The person who had no fucking idea what he felt. But he didn’t blame him. He was just a boy.
Every time he left this house, he promised to himself never to come back, never put himself through this misery again. But sure enough, at the end of every week he returns to here.
Since Capricorn’s death he had finally given up on trying to go home. He and Farid had wandered around for a few weeks, before Dustfinger had brought him back to Mo and Meggie and Resa. The boy had to go to school, he had decided. He was still young enough to learn all the things that Dustfinger himself couldn’t. So, Farid stayed with the family.
It only took a few days without the boy for him to notice that he had much stronger feelings for him. It took another 4 months to admit it to himself. Since then, he had worked in the week and spent the weekend with the four others, thinking that just being with Farid, being close to him, would do the trick.
But he soon found he was wrong.
While he was desperately in love with the former thief, Farid had fallen just as hard for Meggie, or the little princess, how he liked to call her. It made Dustfinger sick - watching Farid bounce around her like a little dog, begging for attention and love. Something he would have died for to give him.
But Meggie, to Dustfingers big relief, didn’t seem to share the same feelings for the boy. So maybe, he thought, maybe Farid would forget her, and it would all be okay for a while.
Again, he was wrong.
One Saturday, Dustfinger had barely arrived at the house, they confessed their relationship. It broke his heart.
Still, he returned to this house every weekend, and tortured himself, put himself through hell. He watched Farid and Meggie, such a cute couple, and all he wanted to do was scream and set something on fire. Anything.
Last week he had promised himself not to put himself through this, promised that he wouldn’t let himself be hurt again…
And now he was standing in the garden, starring at the house he loved and hated so much, all at the same time.
He didn’t want to go in, didn’t want to see Farid and Meggie. Didn’t want to see Resa and Mo. Didn’t want to see anyone who was happy and in love.
He started walking, cursing himself inside, and knocked on the door. Only moments later, the door was opened.
Farid stood in front of him, grinning, and said “You’re late Dustfinger. We’ve been waiting for you.”
“Sorry.” the blonde just said (Komma weg) and pushed Farid aside to step in. He took of his wet coat, combed his hair back and looked at him. “You know you can start eating without me. What if I decide not to come one weekend? You’ll starve.”
“We know you always come, Dustfinger.” Meggie said, standing at the door to the kitchen. “Come on, it’s time to eat. We’re all hungry.”
Taking off his shoes, Dustfinger shot a look at the girl. She had grown to look even more beautiful since he had seen her last week, looking more like her mother with every day that passed. //Love does make women beautiful// Dustfinger thought. //This little girl is the best example.//
Followed by Farid, the blonde man walked into the kitchen. In the corner of his eye he could see Farid giving Meggie a kiss behind his back. The heat in his hands increased. If he wasn’t careful, he would put something on fire.
Taking a deep breath, he sat down at the table, where Mo and Resa were already waiting.
“I’m sorry I’m late.” he apologized again. “The rain slowed me down.”
“You should get your driver’s-license and get a car, Dustfinger.” Mo suggested, as Meggie and Farid sat down, holding hands.
The heat in his body began to rise again. //Cool down. Literally.// he reminded himself, avoiding looking at Farid or his
girlfriend.
“I don’t like cars, and you know it. They’re loud and dangerous. I have two absolutely healthy feet and legs. I can walk.” he answered, watching as everybody helped themselves to some food. As always, he waited for everybody to serve themselves before taking anything. He felt uncomfortable eating the food someone else had bought and worked for.
While everyone else, except Resa of course, started chit-chatting, Dustfinger was quiet. He concentrated on his food, not wanting to engage into any conversation. But then Mo called his attention.
“Dustfinger?” he asked carefully. Something about his tone made him suspicious.
“Yes?” he answered, looking up from his plate and into four a little worried faces.
Mo hesitated, and then started “We, uhm… we know that you had a family…”
Dustfinger shot Mo a sharp look “…have. I’m sorry, you have a family back in the book and all that, but… we all think it’s time for you to let go.”
Dustfinger wanted to say something, tell them to shut up, because none of them had the slightest idea how it was to lose a family, knowing they were waiting… but Mo just kept going.
“A friend of mine, her name is Sarah and she’s an artist, has seen you around her and expressed her interest in you, so I promised to ask you if you would like to go out with her.” Mo talked quickly, as if he didn’t want to allow Dustfinger time to speak or protest.
“We know it’s hard.” Meggie continued. “But we just think it’s time for you to be happy again. Fall in love.” Resa nodded her agreement. “Please, just give it a try?”
For a few moments, Dustfinger didn’t say anything, and everybody looked at him.
“Fall in love, you say?” he asked quietly, looking at their faces one at a time. “Be happy, yes?” His blood was boiling up, his hands started burning.
“Do you know ANYTHING?!” he yelled, jumping up from his chair. It was too much for him. Too much to bare.
“Do you KNOW how it feels, KNOWING somebody who loves you is waiting for you?!” Fire burst out of his hands, luckily not burning anything, because he was standing.
“Do you know HOW it feels to fall in love with someone you CAN’T HAVE?!” Shaking with fury, Dustfinger found it very hard not to grab something and burn it to ashes. “You’ve got no idea. I have a family waiting for me, CHILDREN, Silvertounge, CHILDREN.”
He looked at Resa “Then, I fell in love with you. Don’t DARE act you didn’t know. But I couldn’t have you. So AGAIN I ended up all alone.” His voice grew louder with every word, but started shaking just as hard as he was loud. “You don’t know anything. NOTHING!”
Mo stood up, lifting his hands, slowly walking towards Dustfinger like if he was an angry animal that needed to be calmed.
“Dustfinger, I know how you feel. Please, just give this a chance. She’s really nice and she…”
“Shut UP!” A ball of fire hit the wall behind Mo’s back, leaving a big black stain. Resa rushed Meggie and Farid out of the room, looking back at him. Scared.
This look made Dustfinger even more upset, hurt him, made him want to cry, hurt her, himself, anything… just to get rid of these feelings that killed him from the inside.
“Feel like you have to protect them from me, Resa?!” he yelled, his voice bitter. Mo was still standing there, looking at him. Maybe he was too shocked to do anything.
Then suddenly, Farid popped back into the room, pushing Mo aside.
“Stop it Dustfinger, please!” he said, absolutely calm. “Please. You have got to calm down.”
Slowly, the fire in Dustfinger settled down. Absolutely calm he looked at the boy in front of him and said “None of you have any idea what pain I went through.”
Farid just nodded slightly “We’re sorry.”
“…sorry I burnt your wall.” Dustfinger answered. He was not sorry for the outburst, so he didn’t apologize for it. “I better go.”
Mo made a step forward, finally regaining his ability to move and talk. “No, please stay. You can stay.”
Dustfinger shook his head “I’ll see you around. I’ll be back sometime tomorrow. Tell Meggie and Resa I’m sorry, I’ll fix the wall.”
Grabbing his coat and putting on his shoes, Dustfinger left the house, walking right into the rain again. He didn’t know where to go, or where he could stay the night, but it didn’t matter. He had slept in the rain before. If he didn’t find anything else he’d just curl up under a big tree.
Slowly he started walking towards the road, when suddenly somebody called: “Hey! Please wait!”
Dustfinger stopped, even though he didn’t recognize the voice. As he turned around, a woman was walking towards him, holding an umbrella in her hand.
“Hey.” she said as she stood right in front of him, and smiled. “You look like you need a place to stay. My name is Sarah Engel. Maybe I can provide you with a warm shower, a bed and food.”
Confused, Dustfinger looked at her. “You shouldn’t invite strangers into your home, Sarah Engel.” he said. “It could be someone dangerous.”
“But you aren’t dangerous.” Sarah answered, still smiling. “You are wet, cold and tired. Come on now. I bet a warm shower and some new clothes would do you good.” And then she turned around and walked away to a house close to Mo’s.
For a few seconds, Dustfinger just stood there, hesitant. Then he followed her.
As if she hadn’t expected anything other than this, she held the door open for him, and Dustfinger closed it behind himself.
As he took off his shoes he took a closer look to the woman who was now sheltering him. Her eyes were a brilliant green, her hair a dark red, and her skin was the color of ivory. He found that she was very beautiful.
“You know, once someone tells you their name, you usually introduce yourself as well.” she said, hanging her jacket on a hook that was attached to the wall.
“Dustfinger.” he answered, standing up and hanging his coat over hers.
“Dustfinger?” she asked, looking at him. “That’s your real name?”
“For as long as I could remember it has been my name, yes.” he said, smiling warily. His name always made people look at him with an expression of confusion and disbelieve in their faces. He was used to it.
“Okay, so Dustfinger.” Sarah said, once again smiling. “Let me show you the bathroom, and I’ll give you some clothes.”
“I’d prefer wearing my clothes.” the blonde man said “I don’t think women’s clothes would look good on me.”
Laughing, Sarah combed a streak of her hair behind her ear and said “My old boyfriend left some stuff here. You can wear that. Even though the thought of you in one of my skirts is very amusing.” Then she walked off to the bathroom.
Dustfinger had to admit that Sarah wasn’t bad. She was nice, witty, and beautiful. But still, she didn’t make him feel the way Farid did. Farid…
He followed her, and then thanked her, but Sarah just smiled.
“I’ll make you some food. Take your time. I’ll lay the clothes in front of the door.” Dustfinger nodded, and then watched her walk away.
Closing the door behind himself, he started taking of his clothes, and got under the shower. The warm water on his body made him feel a lot better, and he felt relaxed.
When Dustfinger got out of the shower, he could smell the food that Sarah had made for him, and it made his mouth water. Resa’s cooking was okay, but nothing compared to the way how his wife used to cook.
The smell reminded him of something he had used to smell every day. It wasn’t quite the same, but it was similar.
Quickly throwing on the clothing that Sarah had laid out for him, he followed the smell of the food.
Sarah was just placing a bowl of soup and a couple slices of bread on the table for him, as he walked in.
“Feeling better?” she asked, and smiled at him. Had he told her, that he had felt bad?
“Yeah.” he just answered, and sat down. “Thank’s for the clothes and the food and stuff.”
“Oh yeah, don’t worry.” she said, smiling, and sitting down across of him. “So, Dustfinger, where are you from?”
Dustfinger had barely taken a sip of the soup as he answered “From a land, far, far away from here. The soup is very good by the way.”
Sarah just smiled “So, you are obviously the mysterious kind of man.”
Dustfinger just laughed “You have no idea.” Sarah liked him, Dustfinger could tell. The way she looked at him, the way she talked. Almost like his wife...
“I bet I don’t.” she said, standing up. “While you eat, I’m gonna make your bed. Please feel free to get some more. There is some in the kitchen.”
Again, Dustfinger thanked Sarah, and watched her walk away. He didn’t know how he felt about the woman, that reminded him of his wife so intensely. But he was sure that he would soon figure it out.
