Please look at me von ParkJayKee (Why I don't understand?) ================================================================================ Prolog: Taeil alone at night ---------------------------- It was already dark outside. I looked out of the window and saw a few people, not clear, but I knew they were there. I sat down on the floor and looked up to the clock which hanged above the kitchen door. It was already 10 o'clock. It was cold outside so I seized a blanket and cuddled with it. I was sleepy but I must stay awake. The others were already in bed and were sleeping. But me? I was waiting....for him and his new “bestie“ I wondered when it became like that? Where was that time when he only looked at my. All attention he gave me. Maybe I did something wrong but I didm't know what. Did I hurt him in any way?? Maybe I were just to shy for him...It seems that he likes rough guys more. I sighed and looked at the watch again. After I while I became more anxious and worried. They said they will be back at 7 o'clock, but they weren't there....What if something happened to them?? I stood up and went to me back quietly. I took out my mobile and typed Jihoons number and hoped he going to pick up. ….......... 'The costumer you're trying to reach is not available right now..' “Shit!“ I threw my mobile on the floor and it hit the wall. “Why isn't he picking up??? That idiot......“ I sat down on the floor again and felt a few tears running over my cheek. What? Me was crying? I shouldn't be crying....for him...the guy I'm not sure about my feelings for him. Oh what I was thinking about. I was still worried about Jihoon and Jiho...well more worried about Jihoon. Wait no! That's wrong.....why did I say that? Zico is our leader he is a person I respect. But P.O …. I tousled my hair and then put my head on my knees. Suddelnly I heard that door was locked up. My head turned automatically to the door. I saw that Jiho had his hand on Jihoons waist and hold him close to him which made me very sad. I bit my underlip lightly. Both looked to me and Jiho tilted his head. “Hey hyung.“ Zico smiled lightly. “Why you still awake?“ “I can't sleep....“ I answered without looking at him. Jiho tilted his head more. “No. You have to go to bed.“ He punshed me lighly. “Wh-?“ Then P.O interrupt. “Good Night.“ He said cold and left the room without saying anything more. “What is with him?“ I looked confused to the blond one. He shrugged. “I don't know. Maybe he is just tired. I would wonder if he isn't tired after what we did today.“ He smirked. “Eh? W-what?“ I looked confused. “Argh...nothing.“ He left the room without saying anything more. My mood was down. I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. “You look not good, Lee Taeil.“ I sighed. “What's wrong with me?“ I let some water in the basin and washed my face. Then I walked in the living room again and picked up my mobile. I looked at it. My luck it wasn't broken. When I looked at my mobile I saw what time it is. Wow that late????? I shook my head and get ready to go to bed. When I was lying in my bed I was think about tomorrow and what will happen. Kapitel 1: Sleepless Night -------------------------- I couldn't sleep last night. In every minute I turned myself in the bed. The mind that something happened between Jiho and our maknae..... Wait. What was I thinking about. That is pointy-headed. This couldn't happen...I mean it's ou leader and...but what did he mean with “Maybe he is just tired. I would wonder if he isn't tired after what we did today.“ This sentences didn't get out of my head and that smirk...Aish what was I thinking of. I pulled the blanket over my head and closed my eyes. “Just relax, Lee Taeil. There is nothing going on between those two. They were just out and …. ? Oh right. I don't know what they did...“ - He thought himself. I nearly felt asleep when suddenly our alarm clock rang. I sighed and clicked my tongue while I looked at the others. They were still sleeping. Was I the only one who heard the alarm?? I shoke my head and got up. When I arrived in the kitchen I saw Jihoon sitting on the table. I wanted to go to him immediately. After a few steps I stopped. I didn't know what I should ask or say to him. It took a few time til I knew what I should do now. At first I tought to go back to bed and avoid him. But I decided to talk to him. I sat down across him and looked at him. He didn't seem much happy. “Good morning.“ I started conversation. He cringed and looked up to me. “Oh good morning. I didn't notice you. How long were you here?“ “Just a few seconds ago.“ A short silent arose. “Do you want coffee? I make some for us, ok?“ I asked him with a smile. He nodded. “Ok I won't hold you back.“ There was a hint of sadness in his voice. I made two cups of coffee for him and me and placed it in front of him. “Here you go.“ I smiled at him again. “Thanks hyung.“ I sat down again and took a sip. There was silence again. I watched him drinking his coffee slowly. “Should I ask him about yesterday???“ I thought myself and took a deep breath. “Can I ask you something Jihoon-ah?“ With these words he looked up to me and tilted his head. “Yeah. What is it?“ “I tried to call you yesterday and you didn't pick up...You know...I was a bit worried...“ “You did?“ He took out his phone and looked at it. “Oh there it stands. Mianhe (Sorry) my phone was on silence.“ “You should check your phone more often...People will set up stories that something happen to you.“ With people it means him...but he didn't wanted to tell him that. “Got it Mom.“ He said with a hint sarcasm in his voice and he rolled his eyes. “Don't call me that!“ “But you act like my mom. So it's you fault.“ He crossed his arms. “I am just worried. Is that wrong?“ “No, but you overact.“ He leaned back on his chair. Why did he act like that? Did I do something wrong that I didn't notice? “I overact???“I looked at him with an unbelievable gaze. “What's wrong with you? Usually you don't act like that.“ “....nothing“ He avoided my eyes. “I know that something is wrong...tell me.“ “I said it's nothing..“ I came up with an idea...Should I just face him with my questions? I decided to ask him about yesterday. But I was still nervous about that. “Has it to do with...yesterday?“ My voice sank with the last word and I bit my lower lip soft and without attracting attention. He cringed and then gave me a short glare. “What you mean?“ “I mean with you and …. Jiho-ah?“ I asked him with caution because of his glar I felt uncomfortably. Again he give me a glare and kciked the table leg. “Shut up!“ He yelled at me and left the room. I heard that he walked to the door and left the dorm and slammed the door. I stand there in our kitchen and was shocked. While he yelled at me it kinda hurts but I shouldn't ask him that question. I am really dumb. With these toughts I rested my head on the tabled. Should I go after him? No. He would yell at me again. Well, it was my fault however I wanted him to be here now and I didn't care if he is yelling or not. “Yeah maybe I should.....“ With these word I felt asleep on the kitchen table..... Kapitel 2: Why is he doing this? -------------------------------- Jiho POV: I woke up because I heard a noise beside me. I couldn't really open my eyes because I felt so sleepy. I rubbed my eyes and stared into space a few minutes before I finally managed to get up. A bit slowly than usual. With my first step out of my bed and on the floor I fell down. Now I were laying on the floor without thinking to stand up. While I was laying on the floor I thought how the others can overhear this noise...Ok it got me some time to wake up but that was normal. After a deep sigh I decided to stand up. I was slowly walking out of our bedroom and walked through the living room into the kitchen. It took a few minutes to arrive at the kitchen, more than usually but I didn't noticed that and I didn't care bout it. I walked to the coffee maker and made me a cup of coffee. I didn't care about how many spoons of sugar or milk I put in. I would drink it in everyway. I drank a bit while I was standing but than I sat down on a chair. I rubbed my eyes again and spotted somebody beside my and cringed. “Oh my God, you scared me!“ My voice was a bit loud and hoped that he is going to wake up. But he didn't....“Yaah! Didn't you hear me??“ I punched his shoulder lightly. He moved a bit but again...he didn't wake up. “He does this on prupose..“ I thought and sighed. I sat back and crossed my arms like a child. I thought about what I can do next. Then I came up with an idea. I bent forward to reach his ear. I knew his weak point and smirked. ““ I whispered in his ear with still a smirk on his lips. ““ My hyung startled and looked at me with an unbelievabled glance. I started to laugh. “That was a joke hyung..“ I poked my tongue out at him. Taeil POV: I dreamed. I had a nice dream. It was about me and Jihoon having a great time at the pool. We played in the waterand splashed water at each other. After that he hold me tight on his body while we were laying on the grass. I don't want that moment to stop...But then suddenly Jiho laid next to me and smiled. He came near to my ear and said. “Jihoon is going to be married soon ~“. I startled and were in the real world again. “WHAAAT??“ I stared at Jiho. Then he started to laughs. “That was a joke hyung..“ The younger poked his tongue out at me. “Why you are doing this?“ I pouted lightly and crossed my arms. He still laughed at me....I feel dumb. “Hyung, I'm sorry but I had to wake you up and you didn't. So I had to do something about it.“ I sighed. “Yeah..But that was mean...“ “I think it was worth it.. Your reaction was the best.“ He winked while smiling. We didn't say anything for a few minutes. There was a awkward silence. And then I broke the silence. “The others still sleeping??“ He nodded. “Yes. Should we wake them up?“ “No let them sleep. It's our free day.“ I looked at him and waited for him to say something. “Hm..yeah ok.“ He took a sip of his coffee. “And what should we do now?“ I shruged. “I don't know...“ “Me too.“ He looked as he was thinking (?) We really had nothing to talk or do at all. It's kinda awkward between us at the moment. But why? Usually it's not. But now... Had it maybe to do with yesterday? I wanna know. I had to know. I was curious. Should I just had confronted him with my question or did it seem rude? But I really wanna know it. Maybe I should give it a try. He wouldn't be angry at me for a long time. “Can I ask you something, Jiho-ah?“ I looked at him. He nodded. “Go ahead.“ I didn't look at him. I couldn't. “What were you and J-jihoon doing yesterday? W-why did you guys come back late?“ First he looked suprised. But then he smriks. “Why you wanna know?“ “I just want to know because I were worried.... that's all...I think.“ He still smirked. “Alright Mum“ He started to laugh. Why everyone calls me that? Is it wrong to be worried?? “So you gonna tell me...?“ “Should I show you?“ “Show me? What does that mean?“ I thought. “Y-yeah...“ I really wanna know. I couldn't wait till I will find out in an other way. He exhaled. “Ok then stand up.“ “Stand up? Why?“ I tilted my head. “Yeah. Hurry.“ With these words he stood up. I decided to stood up and waited what he will do next. He stepped forward and came towards me. I went a few steps back untill I reached to wall. Why is the situation.....He placed his hand on the wall beside my head. I felt his breath on my face. It was near mine. “What is that?“ I thought. “What are you doing??“ I wanted to push him back but he was stronger. “I thought you wanna know what we did.“ He smirked... Now his and mine lips were near just a millimeter away from each other.... Kapitel 3: What's wrong? ------------------------ So there were we standing. Just a few millimeters between our lips. I wanted to turn away but then he heild my chin with one of his handds and turned my head til I can see him in the eyes. I was lightly under shock and had no strenght to fight against. There was a small space between him and me. It was about our lips to meet... “GOOOD MOORNING“ Jiho stopped his actions and went a few steps back. I looked still confused. “Yaah! Park Kyung, you scared me!“ He punched the arm of the older lightly. Kyung began to laugh. “Sorry. Won't do it again.“ He messed Zicos hair. “Don't mess with my hair hyung!“ He fixed his hair. “Okay. Okay. I got it.“ He smiled. “By the way. What were you both doing here so close standing?“ His looked at Jiho and then at me. I cringed and loked at him. “N-nothing...“ I said. “You sure?“ He raised raised one eyebrow and gave me a serious look. I looked away. Jiho piped up. “Aish...Of course nothing.“ He laughed and pat Kyungs back who looked kinda confused. “Okay, I got it.“ He turned around. “Since when are you guys awake?“ “Not to long why?“ Jiho responded. “Why no breakfast??“ He had an appalled gaze. Our leader began to laugh. “We wait til the others are here. Then we all make.“ He poked out his tongue at the older. “Okaaay. But I'm g´hungry. Let's wake them up.“ He smirked and pulled Zico. “Alirght. Hehehe ~ Stay here Taeil hyung ok?“ He gave me a last gaze and then he was gone with Jiho. Now I stood there alone which made me kinda relieved. I sighed and sat on a chair. I crossed the arms on the tabled and rested my head on my arms. After a few seconds I sat up again and took out my phone. Without to think I texted Jihoon. I don't know why...maybe I just wanted to do it. “Hi. Jihoon-ah Where are you? We 're having breakfast soon.“ It took a single seconds till he wrote back. “I going to eat outside. Eat without me.“ I shook my head. “Why? We're going to eat together.“ “I don't care. You guys don't have to wait for me. Just need fresh air.“ “But we have windows.“ “And....?“ “...nothing. Where are you now?“ “Just outside. Don't disturb me now.“ I didn't dare to write him back. Why is he so cold. That's not the Jihoon that I knew. Have I done something wrong?? But what? I braced my head on my hands and thought about something that I could have done wrong. “Nothing....“ I made a strange noise and extended my arms and my head felt on the desk. “Wassup with you my felly?“ B-Bomb poked my head and then looked worried at me. I sat up again and nodded. “Ehm..yes.“ I scratched the back of my head. “Haha alright.“ He still looked worried. Then the other came in. “We woke them al up!“ Jiho said proudly. “Yeah thanks.“ Yukwon gave him an mad glance. We all began to make breakfast and then sat down together. “Soo let's eat.“ Jaehyo said happily. “No wait.“ Kyung stopped him. “Where's Jihoon-ah?“ “Not here.“ Nearly everybody said that at once. “He said he wanna be alone for a few hours and that he is going to eat outside.“ I said and felt that everybody looked at me at once. “Why???“ Yukwon said appalled. I shruged. “I dunno.“ and looked at the table but before that I looked at Jiho who smirked kinda...evil? No that can't be. The othere were talking about it but I didn't listen. I thought about what I should do now. I wanted to do something against it. I didn't know what to do...I was a real idiot. I bit my lower lip and stand up and didn't noticed or cared about that everyone looks at me. I ran out of the kitchen put my shoes on, took my jacket and ran out of the door. Kyungs POV: I was kinda shocked when Taeil stood up and ran out. “Where is he going? Yah Lee Taeil!!!“ I shouted after him. I tilted my head. “Hmm maybe he has schedule which he nearly forgot.“ Jiho meant. “Yeah....maybe.“ I was still worried about the reaction of Taeil. I sighed and sat down... Taeil POV: I was running around like an idiot. Why? I didn't know. Just had bad feeling. I knew something would happen but I didn't know what. After a time I stopped and took a look at my phone. “14 calls??“ I thought. I was short of breath and wiped away some drops of sweat. “Where is he?“ I went to all possible locals where he could be but I didn't found him. Suddenly it started to rain. “No.“ I whined and was almost ready to give up. I went over a bridge with my head down because of the strong rain. For a few seconds I looked up and saw a person who took of his shoes and climbed on the balustrade. It shocked me. Why would a person wants to do this? Because of the rain I didn't know who it was but I knew that I had to do something. “Please Sir. Don't do this. I won't help you. It hurts yourself and other people, too. Please don't make a mista-“ That person turned slowly around to me. While he was turning to me, my eyes wide. I didn't believe what I saw there “J-jihoon....?“ Kapitel 4: Stay by me --------------------- Jihoon POV: I was ready. Ready to end my life. I just couldn't take it anymore. If I just jump here he couldn't hurt me anymore, right? So I decided for myself. I looked down and it look quite high. If I jump it would be the end for me. That's what I wanted...I closed my eyes and get ready to jump when suddenly a voice appeared in my ears. “Please Sir. Don't do this. I won't help you. It hurts yourself and other people, too. Please don't make a mista-“ I turned anround and looked at him. I remembered the voice. Of course I remembered. How can I not. I felt my tears running over my cheek. I didn't want anyone to see my in the moment especially not him. Taeil. Why was he here? “J-jihoon....?“ Fuck...why? Why did he have to disturb me? Why he of all people...I wanted to turn around again. Just ignore him. But I couldn't. Somthing stopped me. “J-jihooon...what you doing??? Come down here. Don't do something blindfold. I'm begging you....Please..“ Taeil sank on his knees. “Jihoon-ah please...“ Without much more thinking I let myself down on the floor. A few seconds after I had my feet back on the floor I felt a slap on my cheek. It hurt. I held my cheek with my hand and looked at my hyung. “You an idiot...an huge idiot...“ His eyes were full of tears. “I...“ I tried to say something but I couldn't. I just looked at him.. He packed my at my collar and pulled me to him. First he looked at my eyes with a hint of hatred. Maybe I just thought so because in the next second he pulled me into a hug. “You scared me...you....don't do this ever again. If you'll whink about it again you will regret it. Got it???“ He still hugged me. Now I noticed that it had started to rain. I am not sure when it was. All I knew was that we both were complete wet and sat on the floor. The people around us were staring at us but we didn't care. We didn't mind the rain, too. There was an awkwark silence and we were still hugging when I suddenly sneezed. He broke the hug and looked at me. “Oh no. We are completely wet. Not good. You going to catch a cold. Come let us go home and I make you a soup, ok?“ He help me to stand up and I nodded. Taeil POV: I was very disappointed of P.O but before I wanted to talk to him I wanted him to avoid getting ill. When we were at home I looked around for the others. “Is anyone heree~? Guys???“ No one answered. “Hmm ~ no one is here.“ I looked at Jihoon. “Come. Go in your room and I will bring you soup when it's ready.“ He didn't react. I oushed his back soft and he started to walk. I brought him into his room and he laid down on his bed. I put the blanket over him and went into the kitchen. After a while I came back in the room with a bowl of soup on a tray. “Here you are.“ I smiled softly at him. He sit up but didn't look at me. “Thanks...“ He said with a quite voice and looked down. He took the bowl and the spoon and began to eat. I watched him and had to smile. For a time a forgot what happen and was happy that he was here. But when I looked at him he didn't seem well. I placed my hand on his forehead and wide my eyes a bit. “Oh no..you have fever..“ I jumped up and head to the bath. I took an washcloth which I held under the water and went back to the room. Meanwhile Jihoon already put away his soup and laid down. I put the washcloth on his forehead and went out of the room again and in the kitchen to get a glass and then again in the bath to get medicine. When I went in the room again P.O looked at me. His eyes were febrile but still looked cute. I sat down next to him and gave him the glass with water and the medicine. “Swallow it, ok?“ I smiled at him softly. He made a pout face and I knew he didn't want to take it. “If you don't take it voluntary I will force you to swallow it.“ I said and smiled at him. He sighed and swallowed it and drank the water. “Now oyu have to sleep a bit. Then you will feel better.“ I stroke his head and wanted to stand up. I felt a hand holding on my wrist and pulled me back. I felt on the bed and Jihoon pulled the blanket over both of us. “Please...stay..here“ I heard his gentle voice and hesitated but then I turned around to him and nodded. “If you want.“ I smiled softly. Of course I couldn't refuse his flavor because I liked it. I closed my eyes then I felt an arm put around me. I opened my eyes again and noticed that my saeng wants to cuddle with me. So we felt asleep while cuddle.Jihoon POV: I was ready. Ready to end my life. I just couldn't take it anymore. If I just jump here he couldn't hurt me anymore, right? So I decided for myself. I looked down and it look quite high. If I jump it would be the end for me. That's what I wanted...I closed my eyes and get ready to jump when suddenly a voice appeared in my ears. “Please Sir. Don't do this. I won't help you. It hurts yourself and other people, too. Please don't make a mista-“ I turned anround and looked at him. I remembered the voice. Of course I remembered. How can I not. I felt my tears running over my cheek. I didn't want anyone to see my in the moment especially not him. Taeil. Why was he here? “J-jihoon....?“ Fuck...why? Why did he have to disturb me? Why he of all people...I wanted to turn around again. Just ignore him. But I couldn't. Somthing stopped me. “J-jihooon...what you doing??? Come down here. Don't do something blindfold. I'm begging you....Please..“ Taeil sank on his knees. “Jihoon-ah please...“ Without much more thinking I let myself down on the floor. A few seconds after I had my feet back on the floor I felt a slap on my cheek. It hurt. I held my cheek with my hand and looked at my hyung. “You an idiot...an huge idiot...“ His eyes were full of tears. “I...“ I tried to say something but I couldn't. I just looked at him.. He packed my at my collar and pulled me to him. First he looked at my eyes with a hint of hatred. Maybe I just thought so because in the next second he pulled me into a hug. “You scared me...you....don't do this ever again. If you'll whink about it again you will regret it. Got it???“ He still hugged me. Now I noticed that it had started to rain. I am not sure when it was. All I knew was that we both were complete wet and sat on the floor. The people around us were staring at us but we didn't care. We didn't mind the rain, too. There was an awkwark silence and we were still hugging when I suddenly sneezed. He broke the hug and looked at me. “Oh no. We are completely wet. Not good. You going to catch a cold. Come let us go home and I make you a soup, ok?“ He help me to stand up and I nodded. Taeil POV: I was very disappointed of P.O but before I wanted to talk to him I wanted him to avoid getting ill. When we were at home I looked around for the others. “Is anyone heree~? Guys???“ No one answered. “Hmm ~ no one is here.“ I looked at Jihoon. “Come. Go in your room and I will bring you soup when it's ready.“ He didn't react. I oushed his back soft and he started to walk. I brought him into his room and he laid down on his bed. I put the blanket over him and went into the kitchen. After a while I came back in the room with a bowl of soup on a tray. “Here you are.“ I smiled softly at him. He sit up but didn't look at me. “Thanks...“ He said with a quite voice and looked down. He took the bowl and the spoon and began to eat. I watched him and had to smile. For a time a forgot what happen and was happy that he was here. But when I looked at him he didn't seem well. I placed my hand on his forehead and wide my eyes a bit. “Oh no..you have fever..“ I jumped up and head to the bath. I took an washcloth which I held under the water and went back to the room. Meanwhile Jihoon already put away his soup and laid down. I put the washcloth on his forehead and went out of the room again and in the kitchen to get a glass and then again in the bath to get medicine. When I went in the room again P.O looked at me. His eyes were febrile but still looked cute. I sat down next to him and gave him the glass with water and the medicine. “Swallow it, ok?“ I smiled at him softly. He made a pout face and I knew he didn't want to take it. “If you don't take it voluntary I will force you to swallow it.“ I said and smiled at him. He sighed and swallowed it and drank the water. “Now oyu have to sleep a bit. Then you will feel better.“ I stroke his head and wanted to stand up. I felt a hand holding on my wrist and pulled me back. I felt on the bed and Jihoon pulled the blanket over both of us. “Please...stay..here“ I heard his gentle voice and hesitated but then I turned around to him and nodded. “If you want.“ I smiled softly. Of course I couldn't refuse his flavor because I liked it. I closed my eyes then I felt an arm put around me. I opened my eyes again and noticed that my saeng wants to cuddle with me. So we felt asleep while cuddle. Hosted by Animexx e.V. (http://www.animexx.de)