The Sheep and the Hedgehog von abgemeldet
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Kapitel 3: Saiyans are from Mars, Women are from Venus
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Saiyans are from Mars, Women are from Venus
After shooing Bulma away, Vegeta wondered if he hadn't crossed the line. As much
humiliating as it was to admit, she was right: he really lived there out of
charity. The simple fact of those people accepting him back after he had stolen
their ship was unbelievable; this time, however, they certainly wouldn’t be so
forgiving. Of course, he could threaten to kill them if they tried to put him
out, but Vegeta didn't believe they would take him seriously. At least, not the
woman or her moronic excuse for a mother.
But the moronic excuse appeared by next with the promised soup, babbling
cheerfully as if nothing had happened. The hole at the wall rendered nothing
beyond an absent look and a comment that the termites were probably attacking
again and that she would have to call that handsome boy from the terminating
service. At this, Vegeta began to relax. The woman had no guts to turn him in.
He should have known. Despite her bravado, she was as cowardly as the rest of
her weak-blooded race. He smirked, feeling a mixture of disdain and deception.
Next morning, he woke up at the 5:00, a little earlier than his usual. Thanks to
the indiscreet "old" blonde, he knew that Bulma wasn’t exactly a morning
person, so he would take one extra hour to train before she was up and in his
hair.
At least that was what he thought. He had just switched the machine on when the
holographic screen appeared showing a sleepy-faced, blinking Bulma.
"Good morning, Vegeta" she said at the middle of a yawn "You're really early
today."
The Saiyan widened up his eyes. That woman was the entire Ginyu Troop in one
person!
"You slept there?" he asked irritably. She nodded and yawned again.
"I knew you would come despite my warnings, so I got up a little earlier too,
but… (yawn) I fell asleep again. Luckily I had installed an alarm to wake me
as soon as you turned the machine on. You should rest a little more before
coming back to train, Vegeta. Maybe tomorrow..."
"I'm not interested in your opinions. Why won't you go and hassle your
boyfriend, if you still have one?"
Bulma’s blue eyes stung.
"You asked for this!"
He saw her open her mouth wide, spray something in her throat, make a gurgle
sound, and finally take a deep breath. Then, she started yelling with all her
lungs:
"PEEEE...PEE,PEE, PEE, PEEEE..."
The Saiyan stared at her in complete bewilderment.
What she was doing now?
“PEEE….PEE, PEE, PEE, PEE….”
Suddenly, his legs started to entwine onto each other, moved by a very unusual
feeling that assaulted his body. It was a sort of pain he never had felt
before.
"W-what's this?"
The response soon became obvious. Vegeta literally flew towards the restroom in
the ship, and if it wasn't his super-velocity it would had been too late.
His howls could be heard outside of the ship:
"#$HELL&(WOMAN! & (WHEN I'LL GET YOU! AAAAARRRGH!"
He yelled so much and so loud that Bulma’s parents woke up and came to see
what was happening. They found their daughter in the laboratory, rolling on the
floor and holding her belly as she cackled hysterically.
"But... what is Vegeta doing now?” asked the doctor.
"H-he is... he's having a pretty bellyache!" Bulma barely could breathe from
laughing so much, let alone to talk.
"Oh poor little thing” said Mrs. Briefs "Did he eat something wrong?”
For the couple's puzzlement, her question just increased Bulma’s laughs.
A few minutes later, Vegeta, red with fury and shame, came back fuming and
sending smoke from every hole in his head. At the holographic screen, Bulma
calmly read a fashion magazine.
"What have you done to me, you bitch?" he demanded.
"Bitch? Watch your mouth, Saiyan. I am a lady!"
"You're worse than a bitch! What kind of magic was that?"
"Do you like it? It's an old invention of mine. I call it Pee Pee Candy. I
slipped one in your soup yesterday."
"You messed with my soup? That explains why it tasted so terrible!"
Bulma ignored the insult.
"Since you won't listen I had to make something drastic. The Pee Pee Candy’ll
give you a bellyache every time I’ll shout pee-pee. If you don't want me to do
it again, you’d better settle down and rest. Tomorrow you may train again, if
your wounds are better."
"Who do you think you are to tell me what to do or not..."
"Pee, pee, peee..." she said mockingly.
Vegeta tossed a ki ball at the hologram before he ran back to the bathroom.
He was wrong: that woman wasn't the Ginyu Troop.
She was Freeza.
They didn't exchange a word for the rest of the morning.
On one hand, Bulma was happy with the success of her plan; on the other, this
same success started to get on her nerves. After recomposing himself, Vegeta had
threatened to kill her again and called her a lot of ungodly names: he simply
didn’t understand that was for his own good. Then, since that didn’t work,
he adopted the tactic of silent terrorism, by crossing his arms and scoring the
walls of wherever she was passing by and shooting her murderous looks. Bulma
pretended not to notice it, but she shrunk inwardly.
The lunch was something close to an ordeal. They both ate in silence, with
Vegeta occasionally looking up to glare at Bulma, who seemed very fascinated by
her own food. Between them, the Dr. Briefs tried unsuccessfully to pull some
talk, puzzled at such a gloomy mood at table. Only his wife kept talking in her
bubbly usual way as she didn’t notice anything:
"Why did you wrap this cloth on your arm, honey?" Vegeta suddenly heard the
elder woman ask. He didn't pay any attention. If he had, however, he could have
seen his blue-eyed tormentor flush slightly:
"What, this? I- I... I hurt myself yesterday. I took a spill, that's all. But
this color matches greatly with my new dress, doesn't it? " she said with a
forced grin "I think I'm gonna release a new fashion!"
Her father gave her a concerned look.
"Maybe it'll be better if you'll not work today, dear." he said.
"But dad, it's just a... "Bulma started to say, but she gave in and sunk her
shoulders. Inwardly, she felt like smacking on herself. As she had previewed,
Vegeta’s grasp had produced a horrible purple bruise on her arm, which would
take weeks to fade away entirely. No one had noticed it the previous day because
she had worn a long-sleeved dress the whole time; today, however, it was too hot
to do the same without causing suspicion, so she had no way but wrapping a
bandana over the bruise. She thought about telling her parents the truth, but
her tongue refused to move. Damn it, why did she keep protecting that ungrateful
asshole?
"Huh? What did you say, mom?"
"I asked why you and Vegeta won’t take a day-off.” Said the blonde woman “
You could have a picnic together..." she stopped by noticing the two murderous
stares directed at her, from the opposite sides of the table, and opened her
eyes in puzzlement "Did I say something wrong?”
Dr. Briefs tried to calm down the mood:
"Your mother made a great suggestion, Bulma. You could go to the movie with that
boyfriend of yours...”he made an effort to remember the name “…Yamcha. By
the way, where is he? That’s twice we haven’t seen him for lunch, he and
that cute little blue cat …ouch!” he felt something sharp plunging in his
skin and whipped his head aside. From its perch at the doctor’s shoulder,
Scratch, his small black cat, stared at him with visible jealousy. The old man
gave him a reassuring smile and a tiny bit of his beef.
After his resurrection, Yamcha had moved back to the Capsule Corp and joined
Pual and Oolong. When Vegeta returned from the space and Bulma invited him back,
too, the cowardly pig had fled to Kameroshi’s house, but Yamcha and Pual had
stayed bravely in the house, despite the little cat’s misgivings. Inwardly,
Bulma suspected that Yamcha wanted to protect her. Ha! She could tell him he was
wasting his time. Vegeta never would look at a woman unless she had black spiked
hair, a tail and a permanent scowl.
At her father’s mention about her still boyfriend, however, Bulma realized
that she hadn’t given him a single thought since the Gravity Room had
exploded. She felt a pang of guilt.
“Funny, Dad, now you said that I haven’t seen Yamcha for a good while.
You’re saying he and Pual haven’t come for lunch since yesterday? Even to
dinner?”
"None of them, honey." her mother laughed "It’s just..."
Vegeta stood up, for the Briefs’ surprise. Usually, he never left the table
before cleaning up his fourth plate of food (and he was just on his second ).
"Why are you going, Vegeta? " asked Mrs. Briefs "You hadn't finished your
lunch."
"Your empty talking is turning my stomach." he snorted "I’ll get some air...
though this is not of your business."
Bulma stood up, too.
“Some air my foot!” she yelled at him“ You’re going back to train until
you’ll be almost dead again, that’s what you’re planning to do! Well, give
it up, cause you’re not going anywhere until you’re completely healed!”
“And what are you going to do?” he sneered “To fly after me screaming
pee-pee with a loudspeaker?”
Bulma started to open her mouth, but noticed her parents staring at her and
closed it again. She couldn’t use her power in front of them, and gave him a
glare of frustration. Vegeta smirked at her and left. She slumped back on her
chair, her appetite completely lost.
“What’s Vegeta talking about, honey?” asked Dr. Briefs.
“Oh nothing, dad. It’s a Vegeta’s thing . “she played with a small piece
of noodle “ You know he’s a little touched in his head. What you were saying
about Yamcha, mom?”
At the streets next to the Capsule Corp, several people turned and yelped,
scared with a sudden wind storm that hadn’t been announced by the
meteorologists. A lady that left the beauty parlor found herself only in
undergarments at the middle of the street, and worse, with her fancy 70 zeni
hairstyle completely ruined. Newspapers, purses, hats and many other objects
were found by their owners (or others) in the most odd places. A worried mother
found her baby boy cheerfully shredding some daisies in a flower box where he
had been swept from her arms.
At the same way it appeared, the windstorm left the city, seeding surprises and
distress on its way. It flied over a river, pushing a lot of fishes to the
earth, for the glee of some impoverished families that lived around. A couple of
pterodactyls that were cheerfully feeding their baby chicks at the top of a
mountain almost had no time to save the nest with the chicks, because at the
next second there was no mountain beneath them.
Vegeta flew so fast that only the Z warriors could see him now. Hardly.
Grrrr. Who did she think she was?
To the hell with that woman and her ridiculous concern and her stupid boyfriend!
If he couldn’t use the Gravity Room he would train at the woods or anywhere
else. Maybe the best to do would be look for another place to stay, a cave or
whatever, so he would no longer have to put up with that crazy family.
“YAMCHA’S GONE! Like this, without having said me a word!”
Mrs. Briefs had just told Bulma what happened to her boyfriend. Yamcha had left
the Capsule Corp. right at the same day Vegeta had almost died in that horrible
explosion. She was still so stunned and shocked by the event, wondering if the
poor dear wouldn’t pass away when Yamcha appeared overloaded with suitcases
and packs as Pual floated behind asking if he wasn’t being too hasty. The boy
almost ran onto her, literally.
“Yamchie? Where are you going?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Why won’t you ask your daughter!” he snapped out before
the two left, without even saying goodbye. Mrs. Briefs shook her head
sympathetically as she remembered:
“I don’t know what bit him, but he looked really upset… what’s wrong,
Bulma?”
She didn’t respond. Just stiffened in chair, her face pale and her eyes
staring at the opposite wall. He thought… he had thought that she… oh Kami.
”That idiot!” she jumped to her feet, almost pushing her chair down “I
know exactly what he’s thinking. That stupid, dirty-minded jerk! But if he
thinks that I’m going after him, he’s deadly wrong.” She mumbled as she
stomped her way out of the kitchen.
Her parents just exchanged a puzzled look.
“Young people… “ the blonde woman sighed and bent to pick up the plates of
food that Vegeta and Bulma had left almost untouched.
Vegeta flew for a long time, without taking directions, until he felt a very
familiar ki.
“Kakarott!” he stopped into middle- air and looked down. A few meters away
from him there was a mountain, from which there was a small house in the
domo-shape he was already used to see. To not leave any doubt about the identity
of its occupant, there were a famous orange gi and pants among other dripping
clothes that hanged from a rope attached between two posts. There was also a
navy-blue undershirt lying on the grass (too heavy to be hung).
The Saiyan prince powered down and hit the floor as silently as he could. He
could feel Kakarott’s and his son’s kis inside the house, along with a
human’s, whom he couldn’t identify. Its ki was too small to belong to any of
Kakarott’s friends, still it was a little bigger than the kis of Bulma and the
rest of the humans with whom he was forced to live. Feh. It didn’t matter. At
his level of power he couldn’t defeat Kakarot, of course (to not mention the
wounds), but a little fight would help him to quell his anger.He looked around,
checking on the yard, with the trees and the bath, and the humble looking-house,
and couldn’t help to compare with his fancy accommodations at the Capsule
Corp.
“So that’s where Kakarott lives. What poverty. “
If he was Super Saiyan he would be living in a palace, not in a run-down hovel
in the middle of nothing.
He heard steps and the voices of Kakarott and his son getting louder, signaling
they were leaving the house. He slipped behind a tree, expecting to catch them
by surprise.
“WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?”
The scream almost sent Vegeta back into the air. It couldn’t be! Even there
she didn’t leave him alone? Then he came back to reason. It couldn’t be
Bulma, the voice was different. That voice obviously belonged the creature whose
ki he had detected… As to confirm his thought, at the next second Kakarott and
the brat broke out of the house, with an odd-looking woman running after them.
She had jet black hair pulled back and tied in a bun, and wore a dark-blue dress
revealing a pair of baggy trousers underneath. Over the dress, a sort of orange
bandana wrapped over her shoulders and a white rectangle of cloth that Bulma’s
mother called ‘apron’. Vegeta never had seen anything so bizarre, despite
having met lots of alien cultures.
“Come back, I’m telling you!” she grabbed Goku by his shirt and seized the
leg of Gohan, who had already begun to float. “Who taught you two to leave the
table before finishing to eat! Come back inside, it’s almost Gohan’s
studying time. (For her, every time is Gohan’s studying time ’ ).
“But mom,” Gohan whimpered “We’ve got no time for this now! Mr.
Piccolo‘s waiting for us.
”Let him wait! I gave you my permission to train, alright, (and I’ll regret
that my entire life) but it doesn’t mean I’m going to have you pushing your
studies aside. Today we’ll review everything you have learned.
“But we already did that last night!”
“Then we’ll do it again! And don’t talk back to me, young man. Since that
year when Piccolo snatched you away you’ve become quite disrespectful to
me!”
”You’re overreacting it, Chi-chi,” Goku butted in “Gohan didn’t
disrespect you. He just said the truth.”
”Stay out of this!” for Vegeta’s shock, she turned around and smacked Goku
on his face. He fell seated on the grass.
“Ouch! That hurts, “he moaned, brushing his now reddened cheek.
“It’s supposed to! I told you so many times to never argue with me in front
of Gohan but you insist it! Don’t you see you’re subverting my mother
authority?”
Goku took a few steps back.
“I-I didn’t argue with you! I just said…”
”See? Did it again!” she bent with a fierce look over her cowering husband
“Nice example you give to our son! That’s why he doesn’t respect me
anymore! If he’ll become a delinquent it’ll be your fault! “
“Hey, it’s not …”
“SHUT UP!”
Vegeta was terrified. Where all the women in Earth completely insane?
“Need something, Vegeta?” asked a voice. He turned around to see Piccolo
standing by his side.
“None of your business,” he snapped, irked for having not felt the Namekian
coming “But don’t worry. I’m not going to make a boo-boo in your precious
little pupil.”
Piccolo frowned but said nothing.
“But Chi-chi… “Goku’s voice whipped their heads back to the familiar
scene “I felt Vegeta’s ki around here! I have to check on what he’s doin
…”
”I don’t care about whatever you’ve felt, if it was Vegeta, Cabbage or
Beet!” Chi-chi cut him off. Piccolo snickered. Vegeta clenched his teeth.
“I’m sick of spending my days all alone while you two are out training.
You’re staying home today and it’s final!” she grabbed Goku’s arm and
started to drag him towards the house “I’m going to clean the house and you
can help me by dusting the carpets and moving the furniture, since you’re so
strong now. Then, you’ll wear something decent, for a change, so we’ll go to
the East City.”
”To the East City?” Goku echoed “What for?”
“To negotiate Gohan’s matriculation in the Blue Star School.”
”B-blue Star?” Gohan stuttered in horror “Mom, that’s a secondary
school! I heard it doesn’t accept kids under 12. I ain’t got even seven
yet!”
Chi-chi stared at her son as if he had said the sky was blue:
“Of course it’s a secondary school! Did you think I’d put you in a
kindergarten? It’s true you’re very late in your studies, thanks to your
father and the crooks he has for friends” she shot a look towards her husband
“but still you’re very ahead from the other children! Can you imagine if
you‘ll get your diploma before you’re fifteen? “she dreamily joined her
hands together, her eyes dripping with motherly pride “My son, a little
prodigy!”
At the vision of Gohan stumbling on a long black robe of a graduate, with a
large squared hat covering his eyes and a gigantic diploma in his little hand,
Goku and Gohan fell over with their legs up. Outraged by their lack of
enthusiasm, Chi-chi sullenly dragged her ‘ungrateful’ family inside. Their
voices were reduced to a baffled murmur.
Meanwhile, Vegeta and Piccolo remained at their spots like statues, both with
arms crossed and stoic looks. Only the sweat pouring on their foreheads revealed
their mutual discomfort.
“So, that is Kakarott’s wife.” Vegeta stated, after a long silence.
“Yes.” Piccolo shut his eyes in disapproval “Pathetic, isn’t it? Be
proud of yourself : you’ve just met the only weakness of the Super Saiyan.”
“Why does Kakarott lets that woman treat him like this? She’s just a…
human!”
“That is exactly why.”
“Huh?” Vegeta arched a confused eyebrow.
“Human’s weakness can be a weird, but a powerful weapon, believe me. Don’t
underestimate them.” A few more sweat drops slide down on Piccolos’
forehead, while he recorded the way Chichi had forced him to take driving
classes along with Goku. As if the Great Demon-King needed a driver license.
“Speak clearer, Namek. I hate riddles."
"I already said more than you should know. If you want more details go in there
and ask Goku, but I wouldn't do it if I were you." Piccolo showed his fangs in a
smirk "Chichi would love an opportunity to get revenge for all those times you
beated on Gohan."
"Do you dare to insinuate that I'd be beaten that nasty lousy human?" Vegeta's
eyes bulged in outrage.
"Are you afraid to try…Cabbage?" Piccolo sustained his look.
They glared at each other for a long moment. Vegeta felt like rushing inside the
house and showing that arrogant Namekian that he didn't fear anything,
especially a loud little woman. But he wouldn’t. It had to be a trick.
"My goals are Gero’s tin dolls and Kakarott" he said arrogantly "I ‘m not
interested in insects."
Piccolo smirked again.
"I'd become surprised if you’d succeed where Goku did not," he said "I don't
know much about human females," he blushed a little" But I wouldn't bet on
you."
"What makes you so sure about this?”
"Those ridiculous clothes you wore when Goku came back to Earth." his smirk
enlarged a little, as if he found his own joke amusing.
Vegeta opened his mouth just to close it again. No… he couldn’t be
insinuating…
He straightened up and tossed the Namekian a very cold look.
"Want an advice? Stop hanging around Kakarott. You're starting to babble the
same kind of nonsense he does." he said, before taking off and flying away.
Piccolo stood watching the Saiyan prince getting smaller and smaller until he
turned into a dark spot in the distance.
“Stupid, imprudent moron... Why did you say that? “he berated himself in his
thought.
At that moment, Gohan, who had taken advantage of a moment of distraction from
his mother to slip out of the house, showed up at his side.
"That was Vegeta?" he asked, looking at the direction where the prince had
disappeared.
"Yes." Piccolo snorted.
"What did he want?" the little boy asked with concern.
"To chit-chat."
Gohan stared confusedly at his mentor and best friend, but Piccolo said nothing
else.
"GOHA-AN! Where are you?" Chi -chi's high-pitched voice could be heard even at
kilometers from the place where they stood “Goku! This is your fault! “
“But what did I do now?” they heard Goku moan.
“You’re always running off home for adventures, that’s what you have done!
Now YOUR son’s starting to follow your steps! That’s the example you give
him, blablabla, I never should have married you, blabla, this way he’ll never
become responsible…”
They heard fast retreating steps mixed to metallic thuds and yelps, like if
someone was running and getting pelted with pans inside the house.
“Ouh! Please, Chi-chi, that hurts…. Oouch!”
"Better you go back before your mother decides to execute her hostage." Piccolo
said, half-sarcastically, half-seriously. Gohan nodded with a sigh and trudged
back home. The Demon King stood floating in the air, hoping his imprudent words
hadn't messed up with Trunk's future.
Vegeta could be anything but a fool.
Notes:
It always puzzled me the fact that there are so many BV three –years fics
that show Yamcha living in his own apartment or house, when it seems clear that
he was living at Capsule Corp at that period at least before he went away to
train. In the mangá, there’s even a scene when Tenshinhan yells at Vegeta
that he doesn’t understand how Yamcha stands to live under the same roof as
the Saiyan. (True that there’s no Garlic Jr. Saga or Vegeta’s space journey
in the mangá – and no pink shirt stuff, too, unluckily – but, oh well,
you’ve got it)
I always wanted to know how could had been the first time Vegeta met Goku’s
home, and especially how he met Chi –chi. He probably must have been
terrified!
Hope I haven’t overdone a little with Chi-chi, but that’s the way I see her.
A woman who pushes her baby boy to study like that so early seems perfectly able
to want see him graduated before he’s grown, too. I’m not sure if there’s
really a school (besides Hogworths) that admits only kids over 12, so
Applescruffs suggested me that maybe a secondary school was the thing I was
looking for. We hope it’ll fit.
Please don’t get me wrong about Chi-chi: deep down I know she’s a good
person (if even Vegeta has a gentle side, why not she? ;) ), but it always
angered me the way she picked on Gohan when he was little. That’s not a
mother, that’s a policeman!
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